HOW TO DISAGREE WITH SOMEONE

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HOW TO DISAGREE WITH SOMEONE

Disagreements are part of life. Even loving spouses, good co-workers, and friendly neighbors don't always agree. Disagreements can turn nasty when one person won't see the other's point of view. Control a disagreement by making sure your reactions are fair and kind. Ask yourself: what's good for me and my relationship with this person?

Control your emotions. During a disagreement strong feelings can get in the way of clear thinking. Be aware of strong emotions and learn to control them. Getting mad and yelling doesn't help things.
Understand another person's position. Before you disagree, try to understand how the other person sees the situation. Put yourself in her/his place. That will keep you from jumping to conclusions about their motives or beliefs.
Communicate clearly and effectively. Don't lecture the other person. Instead, share your views in clear, short statements. Give the other person a chance to respond to each point you make.
Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen carefully during a disagreement instead of thinking about what you are going to say next. Try not to think ahead. Think about what the other person is saying or feeling. Try to learn something from the other person's ideas. Repeat what you think he or she said. Ask if you heard right. Ask the other person to correct you if you heard wrong.
Talk others into seeing things your way, don't force. It's always better to try to talk others into seeing things your way rather than to bully them.
Don't try to be the winner. Both people should feel like winners after the discussion ends or the disagreement will continue for a long time.

Written material may be reprinted provided no endorsement of a commercial product is stated or implied. Please credit University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension and the Nebraska Health and Human Services System.

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Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Elbert C. Dickey, Interim Director of Cooperative Extension, University of Nebraska, Institute of Agriculture and Natural Resources.
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