WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY

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WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY

There's nothing wrong with being angry. We all feel anger toward someone else at some time. But anger can make us hard to live with. It also can make us less productive at work. You can express your angry feelings constructively, your anger will go away more quickly. And you can more easily solve the conflict that made you angry in the first place.

Analyze the threat you feel. We usually get angry because we feel threatened in some way. What is it about the situation that threatens you? If you understand what you fear, you'll be able to communicate your anger more clearly.
Separate the person from the action that made you angry. Remember that the source of your anger isn't the person, but something the person did that made you feel threatened.
Calm down. Getting all huffy or outraged doesn't solve the problem.
Communicate your feelings. Sometimes the person may not know how you feel. Use "I" statements to talk about your feelings. For example, "I get upset when you are late for dinner and don't call. I get worried and scared that something happened to you."
Be reasonable. Focus only on the event that triggered your present anger. Don't drag up a list of past actions that made you angry. Don't blame the other person for things he or she isn't responsible for.
Be brief. Don't spend more than a few words describing your angry feelings. Then give the other person a chance to respond.
Listen to the response. When it comes to feelings, no one is wrong. The other person may also have feelings he or she needs to express. Listen without blaming or being defensive.
Look for a creative solution. Try to find a way to deal with the situation so that everyone wins. Brainstorm the possible solutions to the conflict and compromise to make both of you feel better.
Forgive and forget. Forgiving helps you let go of your anger. And forgiveness makes it easier to handle similar situations in the future. Holding a grudge isn't helpful and most often ends up hurting and poisoning the soul.

Written material may be reprinted provided no endorsement of a commercial product is stated or implied. Please credit University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension and the Nebraska Health and Human Services System.

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